A Programmer’s Guide To Writing Erotic Fiction For Money

A Programmer’s Guide To Writing Erotic Fiction For Money

Writing is fun, no matter how high-brow the words and sentences get. Scratch that, writing is definitely more fun the more you stray from the path of light.

Over the past two months I have sat down and finally got serious about writing erotic fiction for money, and voila, it worked. I am about to break 200$ in earnings at currently 189$, and I have a lot of little tricks and tips to share even this early into this first „real“ pen name. I have written things in the past, but only ever made pocket change because I only dabbled in the field, and followed any advice haphazardly at best.

First: Save your sanity with programming skills

I would not be in the game of writing and uploading new stories anymore if not for my programming skills – and not just coding. The amount of work that normally goes into writing and uploading even a single, 3,000 word story is absolutely insane, unless you make use of technology. I feel for everyone who does these kinds of things manually, my brain would fold and go into deep hibernation mode.

I use a couple tools that drastically speed up the process:

  • AutoHotkey does all my writing for me, or fixes it at least. Every single typo that I ever made in the past gets fixed automatically, abbreviations get expanded, words with too-many letters (like „leters“). This saves.so.much.time, it’s not even funny. I write 2-3k words per hour without even straining myself, and I often have to let my fingers rest while my mind catches up and decides on the next sentence.
  • AutoFill for chrome fills in all the keywords, subtitles, recurring parts of book descriptions. Nothing breaks me quicker than having to enter keywords, especially more than once.
  • DeepL translates my English stories to my native German, that tool is so frighteningly good that it reduces an hours-long process to ten minutes and only requires minimal editing on my part. Gives me access to two markets for the price of just a few minutes of my time, it’s marvellous.
  • Canva.com takes care of all my cover making needs, I have one template where I just need to change out the image and title text, then duplicate for the German variant. Makes a tedious process an enjoyable one that takes maybe five minutes per cover.
  • VS Code is not just a great code editor, but when you install a couple plugins it makes for the perfect writing tool:
    • Typewriter mode always keeps the currently active line in the center of the screen.
    • Word count displays, well, the word count and makes your life a lot easier with a tiny change.
    • Zen mode comes default and is activated with the short cut Ctrl-K-Z. This gives you full screen and takes out everything that isn’t text. I use it all the time.

These tools make all the difference between a slow and tedious process that sucks all the joy from writing and a super-fast, low-overhead process that takes very little time and manual effort, for consistently decent-to-good results.

Structure is everything

I have noticed time and time again that projects fail not for a lack of skill, or time or anything, but often enough for a lack of structure.

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This is true for writing code as much as for writing fiction, and that is why I swear by my project structure that consists of a couple folder. The first is my pen name (or multiple if you were to do that), then the next level is for a niche / topic, then underneath that I have folders for „titles“, „work in progress“, „writing finished“ and „published“. On top of that I have another folder where I save all my cover images to, which together gives me a very clean and lean structure, perfect for keeping track of things as your project grows in size.

How to write sexy sex

The numbers Jason, what do they mean?

Let me put it this way: Math is never sexy unless it wears glasses and short skirts. So why are you slapping me with those measurements, what do I care if someone is 5’11“ tall or 183cm (see my point, different audiences won’t even have a way of knowing exactly what’s what) – and for the love of god what breast size equates to what and how does it possibly matter at all when both are breasts, squishy and nipply and so god damn touchable?

If your fingers ever go to the number row on your keyboard you are doing something wrong, just write something like „a handful of breasts“ or „the mountaneous peaks of lust“ (please don’t write that last one), that works so much better.

Your hands speak wiser than your words

Which is to say: It can be very hard to write sexy dialogue and maybe you just shouldn’t. It is that much easier to write horrible dialogue than really good one, and it takes comparatively little effort to write things like „his fingers trailed down her spine, leaving shivers in their wake“. That is a solid sentence, but if someone were to talk to me like the people in some stories that I’ve read, I would hightail it out of there real quick.

The boinking is the least important part

Sure, at some point your characters will get the thing done that alludes to on the back of the book, but the other 89% of the story are actually what your reader buys the book for. If they wanted the boinking they could go to the video platform of their choice, and see it in 4k UHD. That person who downloads your book is not satisfied with the standard stuff that they can get anywhere else, so make the story an actual story.

There is buildup, flirting, various actions that are either sexy or harassment, and words whispered that sound like yelling. Nice or vice, depending on what your readers expect.

The results

Obviously I couldn’t write a post like this and not shill you my own writing, where you can see the results of everything in action. Here you go, in all its sweat-soaked, naughty glory:

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